Invasion Day

Australia Day 2011 was not in any way typical to previous years. Most of the last 10 or so have been spent on the beach, then a BBQ somewhere while listening to the JJJ hottest 100. Celebrating with as the knowledge that the holidays are almost over looms and drives us to frenzy of socializing, eating and drinking.

This year was a little different. It began with an awesome tropical storm – the thunder literally shook the house and the rain pelted. The toilet blocked up so a plumber had to be called. Noone was sure exactly where a plumber might be – for some reason the school maintenance man couldn’t call one, he had to go for a drive and see if any of the 3 island plumbers were on the island. Where else would the island plumbers be I wondered? I figured that with Tiwi time our toilet might get fixed by the following Wednesday. But no, the trusty plumber – who turned out to be Irish and a hottie – was far too prompt in coming to our rescue. So prompt I had just jumped into the shower and my house mates were out of the house. I had to yell through the bathroom window – conveniently located next to the wide open front door – and ask if he’d mind waiting 3 mins in the scorching heat- while I got out of the shower. Then I had to introduce myself to the hot Irish plumber in my crazy caftan that I use to cover up naked situations, wet and dripping ‘cause I’d forgotton to take my towel in. Lovely. At least he gave me a ride up to school to have Oz day lunch with the other newbie teachers. Once I was dressed that is.

So had lunch with the newbies and Wayne – Tamara had pulled over to say hello to him and he just jumped into her car and wouldn’t get out so there were 6 adults, a baby and Wayne for lunch. He was very happy, he ate a frozen Prima (or “Poppas” as they’re called here and apparently anywhere that’s not Victoria) for about an hour. Then we all went over to watch some of the Tiwi island of Origin game. The sun was out for the first time since we’ve arrived and it was HOT! Searing white heat and these big guys were running around while we did lizard impersonations and sweated our rings off out in the sun. There was absolutely no shade but the outside of the footy ground was dotted with big rainbow striped umbrellas – it’s what the local shop sells so everyone had them up for shade – it looked very pretty against the green of the island. It was fun to hang out with the locals and relax in the sun – you’re not really out in the sun that much here. Wayne cuddled up to me again – not necessary in the sauna we were already experiencing but he’s such a cool little fella. And totally silent – he gives you a nod or a stare and that’s it.

In the arvo we headed to The Club. It’s open for 3 hours, 4 days a week and only sells mid-strength tinnies. There’s an undercover area for when the rain pelts and tables and plastic chairs outside. The cement tables are stained and mouldy. It stinks of cigarette smoke and B.O inside and the toilets are unusable. It’s fenced off like a prison and kids peer through at the crowd looking forlorn as their parents smoke and guzzle their beer. It is shit ugly. The Club’s system is ridiculously convoluted – you have to show ID at the entrance (a security guard is there at all times, he has a Greek accent – and looks very uncomfortable) who gives you a card. Then you line up and get scanned and pay for up to 6 tickets (the maximum beers you can buy). You then line up again to buy your beer. Singular. You can only buy one at a time and you can’t buy anyone else one or give your ticket to anyone else or you’ll be banned. It’s hilarious because they belt out a siren for last chance of ticket purchasing then for last beer purchasing and you get this mad rush of people – who usually move so slowly they can be mistaken for one of those street theatre human statues you see around Melbourne- pushing and yelling and generally absolutely desperate to get their last drink in. It’s a beautiful sight.

I still can’t figure out exactly what the card is for and no one can tell me. It’s a Tiwi thing – there’s a few of them. Things in place for no apparent, useful no explainable reason. Or things that happen for no reason we can understand. An undercurrent of Tiwi-ness we whities just can’t grasp.

So, it was the perfect arvo to sit outside in a type of beer garden and I decided to throw gluten intolerance caution to the wind and have a tinny. A) Because it was Australia day and a sweating, mid-strength warm beer in a can sounded very patriotic, B) because I was so fucking desperate for alcohol and C) I wanted to support a culture where you have limited amounts of alcohol and hours it’ll be served which encourages the desperate need to drink the most you’re able to get in a restricted amount of time – ie binge drinking – my favorite kind of drinking.
So, sweating, tepid mid-strength in hand, I was enjoying a relaxing chat and de-brief of the game where a massive fight had erupted between some players and onlookers and were dragged away to continue it out of the ground, when the biggest, ugliest, scariest Tiwi I had ever seen walked into the club. And then came over to us because one of the new teachers, Tamara, knew the monster as she has been over to the island quite a few times and has connections with some of the Tiwis. So we got to meet - let’s call her/him Darlene. Darlene had once been a man and I’m not sure how far the process had gone in converting to the sisterhood but there sure is more work to be done. At least 6 feet tall, denim skirted over a massive gunt, striped pink singlet top with an AFL-er’s chest and no boobs spilling out, pony tail and bling for a queen she/he was hideous. And hilarious. “Happy Invasion Day!” she/he preened – the campest of the camp- to our table of whities. She/he is smart, caustic and her/his English is great. She/he has travelled the world, attending transgender conferences and the like. And she/he can smash the tinnies. So that is how I got to have a tinnie with a Tiwi tranny on Australia Day 2011.

It was a great day. I didn’t get to hear the JJJ 100, although we kept tabs on the countdown and I was the happiest I’ve ever been with the winner – a song that breaks my heart every time I hear it- and I didn’t have a BBQ with the people I love or get to swim in the beautiful cold Victorian ocean. But I did get to really experience a bit of the Tiwi culture. This is the island – AFL, sunshine and showers, frozen poppas, rainbow umbrellas at the footy, long, lazy chats with your (new) friends, hot tradies, people wandering and greeting and lounging and fighting, trusting kids ready to love you, a beer at the club, and Darlene.

I loved it. I didn’t miss home because not one bit of it was anything like home – no shadows of my lost life and hopes jumping out to terrify me, no empty empty echos, nothing familiar or expected. So I love my home and my friends and family there but this day was such a day to celebrate because I feel like I had a chance to stop feeling like the arse has fallen out of my world. It was all about living in the moment and appreciating every enjoyable and ridiculous moment that popped up. I don’t know if that’ll last but I’m so glad for this day. I’m glad for new friends and this new adventure. I’m glad I met a hot irish plumber. I’m glad the sun was out and I went to the footy. I’m glad I had a luke warm beer in an ugly club with an even uglier transgender person called Darlene.

And I’m glad I didn’t stay at the Club till stumps ‘cause Darlene got in a fight. The poor bastard on the other end of that would be having a very different type of adventure..