Super Me

So today I went to see the new Spiderman movie. Much better than I expected after the lowlight that was the last one. And I was thinking; it is such and odd idea – to have spider superpowers but they are clearly extremely cool in dire situations, or when wanting to impress a romantic interest.

And all the way home I wondered what kind of superpowers I would like to have.

In our early twenties my cousins, brother and I once had a very interesting, very creative, very animated, very long, very entertaining and clearly very drunk discussion about what our superpowers were – what we had to offer at that point in our lives that none of the rest of us did. Then we had to explain the wonderful, awe inspiring and useful things we could do with that superpower. Mine was my driving license – I was the only one at that point who had one. I had a long list of reasons this was a fabulous and necessary superpower but to be honest it was never really going to be the stuff of Marvel inspiration, I have never been a reliable driver. "Exciting" some might say, "adventurous",  "dangerous" others might have complained. I can’t be relied on to concentrate for long periods of time, stay sober, follow road rules and speed limits or to stay away from the wheel after drinking….And for someone who doesn’t really cry a lot I have been known to cry very hard while driving – and big tears create serious visual obstacles. A pissy, speed loving, seatbeltless, distracted, belligerent, blubbering, irresponsible road menace does not a Marvel comic superhero make. It actually makes for a character who should be written out of a storyline for being dangerous to herself and others.  I would be the villain run over by the hero or zapped out of the car into another dimension where there were no cars, just looooong roads that had to be walked – or with really low cars but all roads paved with continual speed humps - as eternal punishment for my evil road doings.

So, what kind of super powers would I like?

The ability to fly would be best – like Superman being able to turn back time by flying reeeeeaaallly fast around the world, I would

a) Go back and erase a few tequila-fuelled misdemeanors and shit guy choices and

b) Get to my friends n family ASAP when I need to be known and loved and when I really miiiiiissss them!

Some kind of incredible martial artsy type fighting skills because

a) You look cool and

b) You look cool in leather.

Immortality-because I generally usually have a load of fun and don’t want it to stop ever. Plus you can be like 201 years old and still pick up young hot guys and not be the oldest person on the dance floor.

Telepathy-so the time zone which means I’m Facebooking everyone to see what’s going on in the middle of the Aussie night and feeling like a total loner won’t be necessary. I’ll know exactly what’s going on with ya’ll.

The renewal ability like in the new Spiderman-so when you have a little accident due to :

a) Tequila

b) Awesome sex

c) Drunk sex

d) Being older than you think when exercising

e) Being older than you think

Means you won’t be bruised and stiff and sore and confused but instead totally new within hours if not sooner. 

And super driving skills so you can never ever be a bad road user.

So for now that’s enough super powers I would like. The next installment will require some further reflection on - full circle – the superpowers I already possess. This self-discovery is likely to happen during the yoga sessions I have just found where you’re only allowed to focus on your breath and no thoughts are allowed to enter your mind whatsoever. During this time I’m going to focus on my superpowers. Along with stretching and strengthening this will be good value for the money. Look out Marvel, I’m coming!