I am spending my summer holidays in
Australia – a whole 6 weeks or so, for the first time in over 3 years. It
wasn’t by choice – I had big plans for South America or Cambodia, but friends
are getting married right smack bang in the middle and the opportunity for
those kinds of celebrations with friends is coming along less these days.
At first I had no idea how to spend the
time – it’s so expensive in Australia, especially when you don’t have a home
base but it has turned into the loveliest opportunity to catch up with friends
which is the perfect holiday for me at the moment because I miss my friends and
family heaps n stuff.
Bali: Luxury. 4 days of uninterrupted
conversation with girls I miss constantly. Big questions about future and past.
Champagne and margaritas and Nasi Goreng and walks on the beach. And shopping.
Quality time a long time coming. Made me miss my life in Juc but got to holiday
with the best bits of that life by a pool in the tropics. With cheap drinks.
Melbourne: The time to be a daughter which
is always too much and not enough time. And the role I hate leaving the most.
And be an aunt, which is never enough time. But they create the best Christmas
spirit possible, especially when you get to see movies like Thor. To see Christmas
lights and trees and phenomenal buskers. For Christmas, bursting to within an
inch of my life, with my family. Too much spiced rum and fun times with a new
friend. And to see the women who inspire me to live strong and happily and
write- cannot thank you enough for that. Tequila and the constant inconstant
weather. And Deb, my always rock. And crazy, sometimes violent, sometimes naked
city people.
Sunshine Coast: A return to all things
wonderful. Oceans without crocodiles, sunshine. Bush. A breeze that makes you
want to take your clothes off. New Years with fireworks and amazing lightening
storms. Drinks and sex on a deck in the warm air. New friends with the honest
openness that resolves my decision to believe in people rather than a god. Climbing
mountains and walking coastlines too lovely to look at. Open spaces, so much
space and time. And BATS! So chaotic moving towards their streamlined merging.
The most beautifully wild silhouette. A woman who will hold my hand and take me
walking when life is hard and a man who devours life and inspires everyone else
to. Fuck he loves life.
And then a catch up with a school mate who
I haven’t seen in maybe 20 years. It was so great to catch up with him and his
wife as they are such great people, but it was mostly great because they knew
me before all the loss and sadness and confusion and craziness and I was still
there. The girl from Rochy is still here (and I don’t just mean my obsession
with a good checked shirt). Some days the weight of loss – partner and babies
and dogs and home – makes it so hard to take a step, makes me breathless. Even
after so many days they turned into years – I am still heavy with it. But for
an hour and a half I was someone who had never gone through any of that, I was
someone who had a lot of things and people in common, but none had anything to
do with that baggage, instead it was the girl that sat on a wooden bench,
trying to sit comfortably in a summer uniform that was too short, listening to this
very funny friend’s jokes while trying not to spill beetroot from my Tuck-shop
soggy salad roll.
I love travelling but sometimes the
incentive is to not be surrounded by what I lost in Victoria, to have new
adventures that allow me to indulge in my love of wonder as much as possible.
And to move quickly enough to not have to feel the weight of the past. But this
holiday has been a reconnection to someone who I forgot about a bit, to the
girl and woman I was before settling down in Juc – who I forgot about in trying
to deal with and move on. And in that is a relief, I forgot I had existed
before and that helps me shove the weight off – even if it’s just to the side
for a bit, it’s a respite.
My wonderful friend wrote a blog recently
about the impact family and friends have on the person we become. She wondered
how strong the elastic is that allows us to move and change and wander. Having
been able to spend time with my friends and family this summer showed me it is
very hard to break those ties and snapped me back into the world and people who
helped form me into the quite amazing woman I am today. It has been liberating.
This is dedicated to all of my friends and family. But especially to Kate, Fev, Duey, Hocko and Mini, who have given me, me again.
