Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Art of Learning

I have been travelling around the north island of New Zealand with my friend, her 5/12 year old daughter and her cousin. Not your usual road trip crew but it has been lovely. And of course I have learnt a lot from the 5 ½ year old – sometimes I think they should e the teachers and anyone over the age of 28 should be in their classroom.

What I have learned…

Fashion tips: if the colour of the scarf doesn’t suit your skin, tie it around your waist (seriously smart!)

Priorities: Drink your wine, then we’ll play cards.

The joy of playing the game even if you aren’t winning (where the object is to lose your cards): Oh goody, I get another card! Now I have more, yay!

The importance of questioning everything: Why are you a teacher? Why do you have tattoos? What is your favorite colour? What is your other favorite colour? What is your favorite word? What do you call the colour of your hair? What are you eating? Where are we going? How long will it take to get there? Are we going to the beach? Are you going to swim? What does that taste like? What does that say? What flavor ice cream did you get? Why?

All about kids cartoon characters – there are some very annoying creatures on TV…Wonder Pets sing all the time and are so cute they make me suicidal at 8.30am and the half cat half dog character is up there with Ren and Stimpy in potentially evil weirdness.

That everything mundane is better when explained in a made up song: “We’re driving around lots of windy roads and there is sometimes rain and sometimes sun….We’re going to the beach and I’m going to have a swim…”

Rhianna aint all that bad, especially when sung very loudly from the backseat by a 5½ year old.

How to ribbon dance in the bar of a very quiet, classy restaurant. And enjoy it.

It doesn’t matter how old you are, if the very cute barman catches you ribbon dancing in the bar of a very quiet, classy restaurant you will feel a little embarrassed.

How bad my memory is: Yes, we stopped on the way remember and you got a coffee near the McDonalds and I went to the toilet and then we had a drink in the cafe. (No, I didn’t remember any of it even though it was only 3 days ago…)

Argue for what you want.


It is important to verbalize your excitement: Yay. YAY! Oh, goody! I love this! This is my favorite – or one of my favorites.. This not only enhances your own excitement but reminds more boring people that we should be excited at least 10 times a day.

Democracy should reign-ish: OK we’re going to choose which card game to play – when I say the names, you have to say which one you want to play. No – net (Russian)-which one do you REALLY want to play? NO-NET! Which one! (until you get the answer right..) OK, tell me which one of these 3 ideas would be the best present for my boyfriend (I did tell her I probably wasn’t the best judge of this). No-net! That is boring! Which other one?

You should be proud of any achievement, even if it means you look like Mr. Miagi wearing your swimming goggles and swallow more water than tread. Making it to the edge of the pool in a desperate doggy paddle should be celebrated by all.

Having an audience turns nothing much into something wonderful: Ok, everyone look at me; dance, swim, twirl, put in my hairband…

Organization is a necessity: OK, first we will eat then I will have my chocolate then we will go and play a game then we will all go and see if there are frogs in the pond then we will watch me swim.

Gratitude is directly related to happiness: (On her way to her first win of Fish) Oh Goody, I have 2 pair of 8’s! I’m soo lucky and soo happy!

The joy of bearing witness to others’ achievements: On our last night of the road trip, Malika won “Fish” for the first time. And therefore it was the best game we played-for her and for me.

So thank you to the very beautiful, vivacious and bright as a button Malika for reminding me of the important things in life, the many little things worth celebrating. It is always a pleasure learning new things and if you can gain a little wisdom from a 5½ year old who is sweet and smart and full of insight then all the better.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

A kiss

I close my eyes for sleep and I dream of kissing.

The kiss where your face is held and you can’t feel your toes, it feels like there is no other part of you existing except for that kiss.

Because when my eyes are open, sometimes I feel

so empty, the weight of it dragging my feet, worried that if I step down too hard, the earth will crack open and dirt and leaves and debris will begin crawling up my legs, to cover and swallow and bury me.

Heartbreakingly lonely. For my friends, my family, for the people I love and miss continuously. Every time I see a part of myself it revolts me; a limb, a toe, an eye so singular and detached. A desperate insect flying at the glass jar wall, time and futile time again, to break free.

Disappointed. For having had a life, a lifestyle, for being a person that was liked and loved and had meaning. For somehow feeling responsible for losing that and knowing, really, I can’t get it back.

So fucking homeless; a life in boxes stacked one on another, lifeless, useless, meaningless. The things that were part of a place, that fit with friends and events and laughter now echoing and stagnant in a cement container.

Lost, aimless, directionless. I remember who I was but can’t picture, no matter how hard I try, who I might be. Living in the present, desperately gripping, clinging to each day, each moment before it moves into a void of tomorrow.

Haunted.

Wasted.

But when I close my eyes, I breathe, a small moment of darkness and quiet where I dream of a kiss. And it is enough to allow the tiniest glimmer of hope. Enough to go to sleep to. Enough to get up for.