drought

I want to cry
but I’ll dissolve in
my self pity
self loathing
self loss.
I want to cry
but I know I will
never stop.
It will consume
suffocate
destroy any will,
any chance
any hope.
Then how will I fight
Will I speak?
Will I move?
How will I be what
you expect? Need?
I stay dry
hard
empty
for this life.